so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Randomize
