She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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