he puts the penis in happiness.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
