can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
