I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
