You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
