It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i was born a porn star she said
you traded sex for a burrito?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
