I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
