operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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