You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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