hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I wish you could order shots online.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
