Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
