Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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