Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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