so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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