Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
