I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
