nut hugger
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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