I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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