oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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