I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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