obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
