i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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