Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
It's like God shit irony all over that family
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
