I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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