After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
how drunk are you?
Several
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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