Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
