Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
