$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Randomize
