I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
