Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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