Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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