your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
