it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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