For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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