you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Randomize
