Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
