Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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