smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I think I just sharted jello shots
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