just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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