dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We just shotgunned beers for America
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
