Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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