the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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