I think I just saw someone hide a body.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
