So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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