Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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