so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
