dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
