Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
