so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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