you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
